This Service Needs to Hit the Road.

I love DailyCandy. It is a website that showcases all that is entertaining, fashionable, food related and culturally interesting in major cities (as well as all over the web). It also has a children's version which is simply fabulous as well. It is because I am such an ardent fan of DailyCandy that I am so disappointed that a recent edition showcased an astonishingly offensive service that is based on and encourages the spread of rudeness.

In a nutshell this service (warning the name of the service is offensive)provides a way for disgruntled individuals in search of a parking space to complain anonymously to intentional or inadvertent poor parkers of vehicles by printing out then filling out a note and checking off the transgression of the parker and leaving the note on the other vehicle's windshield.

DailyCandy explains that it will "mitigate your rage" and "keep you out of anger management".

We at Marvelously Well-Mannered think the service lacks civility and decorum. It encourages incredibly rude behavior and perpetuates the idea that one does not need to be polite or gracious in today's society. It feeds on the egocentric idea that everthing is always about "me" and if one is inconvenienced or ticked off one can complain without limit and that one's own rudeness is somehow excused because someone else did something wrong.

But that is not the right way to think or behave. Remember,

"whoever one is, and wherever one is, one is always in the wrong if one is rude." Maurice Baring.

It is marvelously well-mannered to take the high road. Unfortunately, this type of service and the behavior it encourages leads its users to a dead-end in terms of manners and decorum. This service needs to hit the road. Pure and simple.

Après Vous Skiing

Over the weekend, we went to Jackson Hole, Wyoming for some skiing. We love skiing – but haven’t been for awhile. One of the best things about skiing is that it is a well-mannered, friendly and polite sport. For the most part, nearly everyone followed the well-known rules of skiing:

• Learn the trails and respect the markings
• Ski trails of your ability and ski in control
• Look uphill as you enter a trail
• Skiers below you have the right of way
• Call “on your left” or “on your right” in tight areas like catwalks so you don’t startle folks in front of you as you pass by
• Offer help if you see someone who has fallen. And retrieve equipment/gear if you can
• Follow the rules when mounting and dismounting the chairlift
• Remember to ask, “are you ready for the bar to come down” before pulling it down once settled on the chairlift
• Don’t cut in the lift lines; remember to alternate when lanes converge
• Be cheerful and say “hello”

By in large, our recent ski excursion reaffirmed our memories of this well-mannered sport.

A fellow skier theorized that skiers are so cheerful, outgoing and polite because it takes so much gosh darned time and effort to get on the ski slopes to begin with, that if everyone were in a bad mood it wouldn’t be worth it in the first place. Think about it. Skiers have to get dressed, deal with boots, struggle with awkward ski equipment, and pay a lot of money to get on the slopes. I don’t know about you, but by the time I am finally ready to “hit the slopes”, all I want to do is sit down and relax in the lodge. The rewards of suffering through the ski prep process are that you get to enjoy the outdoors and be with nice people.

But there was one bad apple in the bunch who violated the cardinal rule about not cutting. But he took it to a whole new level by actually overtaking us in the same line, then cut in front of the young children whose turn it was when the lines converged. And the icing on the cake was that this bad apple and his cohort then proceeded to get on a chairlift by themselves despite it being made for four.

Did we say anything when this happened? Me: “are you with the folks in front of us” (figuring they would make a foursome). His answer: “no”. Me: “well then, it seems that you just cut us.” Him: “I am 99% sure we didn’t.” Me: "You skiied right by me on my left." Then his companion said, “But if it is that big of a deal to you - you can go ahead.” Me: “No, that is ok. I am just shocked by your rudeness.” After that there wasn’t much left to stay. We were polite and still stood up for ourselves but decided they simply weren’t worth it. The situation reminded me of the saying, “Treat everyone with politeness, even those who are rude to you – not because they are nice, but because you are.” These bad apples weren’t going to ruin our trip. But it would be nice if all the Mountains would remind their visitors the simple reason why skiing is such a great sport – because of people who are marvelously well-mannered. Pure and simple.

It Was Over With One Bite ...

Recently, I was waiting for my sandwich at the deli downstairs from my office. As I was waiting I heard – then turned to see – a woman eating lunch at the counter with what looked to be her work colleague. It was a most unfortunate sight.

While she was attractive and well-dressed, her eating habits were nothing short of horrifying. I could hear her chomping on chips – over the noise of the deli and despite standing over 6 feet away. She chewed with her mouth open – not once did I see her lips close together. Granted, I may have missed it. I tried not to stare so my eyes were not on her the entire time. She took huge bites of her sandwich which she then stowed away in her cheek as she spoke. She looked like a squirrel with a gargantuan nut. Now I know the sandwiches at this deli are delicious, and I, too, am tempted to take big bites – but that is not the proper way to eat.

Poor table manners are bad enough. But she was eating with someone who looked like a work colleague. All I could think of was, “what must that colleague think of her?” What a shame.

It doesn’t matter how attractive you are or now well-dressed you are when you don’t have a solid foundation of proper dining etiquette; your professional, well-mannered deportment is over, sometimes with just one bite. You simply do not present well. To be marvelously well-mannered, remember to chew with your mouth closed, eat quietly, and while you are not supposed to talk with your mouth full, it is often hard to avoid talking with at least a bit of food in your mouth. When you do, take small bites of your food so you can talk without looking like a squirrel getting ready for winter.

What Do Interpersonal Skills Have To Do With It?

How do our behaviors and attitudes cause us to interact with others; to help ourselves better prepare for success in life which will include participation in a career as well as social obligations and social “wants”, which are happy chosen events within our own lives that we want to participate in.

Interpersonal skills, what do they include? Habits, attitudes, manners, and the outside appearance (clothing, hygiene habits, and awareness of the physical/emotional self and of others), and behaviors we have while around people; these behaviors do affect how other people will interact with us. At times we do not realize just how important these interpersonal skills really are. It's easy to look down on others and to have a smug attitude about people who for some unknown reason lack interpersonal skills. Is this not the correct time to look within ourselves to better understand our selves? When we understand ourselves we are better equipped to understand others and then we become more well mannered; is this not logical?

We need to understand why/ how our behaviors and attitudes cause positive/negative reactions with others. This information will only help us better prepare for success in life.

We want our company to be wanted by others, to have people enjoy us and trust us. We want others to know our word is good.
These attitudes/views that others have about us must be earned through being the best we can be consistently at all times - day in and day out.

While these interpersonal skills should be taught right from the get-go in life– they hold hands with manners as they go for their daily walks - it is never too late to learn them and incorporate them into daily life. The easiest step you can take to instill these attributes is to begin with the first golden rule of manners: "to treat others as we want to be treated."

This rule never has nor will it ever go out of vogue. Being marvelously well-mannered helps one live a good and happy life. Pure and simple.

To Tip or Not to Tip... That is the Question.

I just came across a great article on tipping. People often don't know when to tip, or how much to tip. Yahoo News featured an article with advice on the subject from Anna Post of the Emily Post Institute.

When in doubt, always remember that it is marvelously well-mannered of you to show your appreciation for someone else's consideration and hard work. What do you think? What are more instances where one should tip and what is your rule of thumb? I would like to hear from people on how they handle the tipping situation when they encounter poor service.

Manners: A Return On Investment ... Priceless

Here are my top picks for the biggest return on investments; to teach your children manners so they are able to have a happy, health, and productive life - is this not what we all want for those we love?

How about taking brisk walks – this is easy to do and the rewards are great – this is a fine time to talk about what are the important things to learn in life.

Let us teach and demonstrate the correct way to eat. This will include the proper foods one needs for a healthy body but also the correct way to eat the food. We are teaching how to keep the waist-line lean – do not over eat. We are also the etiquette of dining. And the children are learning the correct way from the get-go.

Eating all the colors of the rainbow, variety of fruits and vegetables – this is just good common sense – has been from the very beginning of time. It also will allow individuals to enjoy eating foods from different cultures, to make new friends, to help us understand different cultures which will enrich one’s life. What a happy life!

We teach the rules of games so our children can play and have positive emotional interaction while keeping their bodies strong; to be included is a wonderful thing. We all know how miserable it feels to be excluded, but without manners – we are excluded.

We teach physical development so the bones and muscles are strong – a good fun physical game (basketball, track) or skill (tennis, skiing, ice skating – anyone?) and it is fun too – keeps one laughing and happy; we can have these social activities well into adult hood. Good manners will serve us our entire life regardless of age. Marvelously well-mannered people are always welcomed because they know the rules of the road and are a pleasure to have around.

We all need enough sleep – children need their rest to develop properly (both physical and emotional) and it carries over into adulthood. This is a lesson to be used for their entire lives (most adult people need 7 or 8 hours nightly). Tired people are not very pleasant to be around; they are grumpy, irritable and sometimes mean; they generally demonstrate bad behavior. One might not think of sleeping as being well-mannered but anything that interferes with making life unpleasant is called “lack of manners”. So let us ensure that we and our children are well-rested so we can go about having a wonderful life! We will be held in high regarded for being pleasant, nice people.

All people have stress; it is the way of life – give your child “handles” (correct words, actions, and feelings to deal with one's own conduct/reaction/behavior) so they can manage the inevitable stresses of every-day life. All people have stress; but if you teach your child how to manage it, you will set them on an emotionally happy road. Emotionally happy people are well-mannered, they know the rules of the game – they are confident in their life, they go in search of life's adventures.

We should teach and demonstrate how to keep a positive outlook – positiveness produces happy results – being negative just produces more negativity. Let us have a half full glass of milk rather than half empty glass of milk – attitude is everything.

Being marvelously well-mannered is the foundation of being well rounded, emotionally healthy and having a wonderful life. It opens all types of doors that we do not even know exit until we are invited in. Being marvelously well-mannered allows you to be ready for any and all opportunities that may come your way. Marvelous manners allow us to be ready when good fortune comes knowing at the door. Being marvelously well-mannered allows an individual to be happy, pure and simple.

The Art of the Apology

There certainly have been an abundance of public apologies lately, Tiger Woods’ one being the latest in a string. Thankfully, when I have ever had to make an apology, it has always been in private, without the world watching. And instead of critiquing me, the people I have apologized to have usually been top-drawer – extremely gracious in accepting. I have been very lucky.

I am not weighing in one way or the other on the public apologies we have all witnesses over the last year or two, but the latest one did get me thinking, what constitutes a good apology?

As the title of this entry notes, an apology is an art, not a science. There is no formula that automatically grants you dispensation for your mistake. Knowing how to give a good apology is an essential skill, both in our personal and our professional lives, because all of us are imperfect and we all make mistakes for which we should apologize.

People don’t want your apology if you are not really sorry. But if you are, here are some elements of a sincere apology (learned from years of giving less than adequate apologies):

• Be specific in what you are apologizing for; mention what you did (tip: don’t say, “I am sorry if you feel that … ”. That is not an apology.)
• Be heartfelt in saying you regret what you did
• Ask for forgiveness and what if anything you can do to make it better

While no apology is the same as the next, the cast of characters and the situations change, these elements coupled with doing an apology without delay certainly help. You cannot control if your apology will be accepted but you can control whether or not you give a sincere one with grace. Done well, you will improve your relationships, your reputation, and mend fences.

A sincere apology is evidence of strength of character. Giving a good apology makes one marvelously well-mannered. Pure and simple.