NEED SOME SELF-ESTEEM? PRACTICE MARVELOUS MANNERS.

How do manners allow us as individuals to achieve our dreams and develop a wonderfully marvelous life? We know that there will always be people who are cruel and gossip just to make themselves feel good.  But those people are complete losers in the game of life. We want to be on the winning team in this game.  So surround yourself with positive people and a positive environment ... a place where we do not derive artificial and fleeting pleasure at the expense of others.

We should always be kind and dream big.  We should look at ourselves as the amazing beings that we are who have gifts, talents and the ability to practice amazing kindnesses toward others.

We will always be on the road of self discovery.  This road will create an amazing life while at the same time enabling us to make the world a kinder, gentler place for all of us.

We have to remember, it is not just present day life that give us a sense of self-esteem but also the ability to see where we have come from and how our experiences have caused us to grow as real people.  People persevere through challenges but not at the expense of others.  We practice the first rule of manners, treat others like you want to be treated.

We should always be looking forward and focus on all the wonderful possibilities that lie ahead.

There will always be ups and down in our lives but knowing the rules of the road (etiquette) make life easier to navigate; adhering to manners will make our journeys much easier, more fun and more successful.

Be kind to your neighbor and you will be rewarded, what a pure and simple statement.

Posted by Esther for MaryCatherine

PRETTY IS AS PRETTY DOES.

PROVERB: Beauty is as beauty does.

This proverb means, “it is more important to treat people well than to be good-looking; just because you are good-looking does not mean you are a good person.”

American Idiom: An attractive manner is what makes one attractive. Behaviors and actions are what define a person, not the physical looks.

All beauty on the outside does not equate to too much when the insides are totally ugly. I constantly remind myself what matters most is in the reflection of a beautiful lady; her behavior and reactions to all people. People make themselves beautiful with their actions and behaviors.

Unfortunately, this is a lesson not (always) given to our children. It appears increasingly popular to treat people poorly and try to embarrass them. Just watch society as reflected in today’s reality shows, on the play grounds, and in our schools. Treating people poorly appears to be right in vogue.

I would like to point out that if we treated everyone with the respect that all human beings have a right to enjoy, we would be considered very beautiful indeed.

We all know a person who, upon first meeting, we think “how beautiful” but then after watching her behavior, indeed becomes homely - if not downright ugly. Individuals always lose points in the good looks department when their nasty personality shows through their veneer.

People do not want to associate with the beautiful but cruel, they are the “mean girl” of life, the “mean women of life” they come in all age groups; no fun to be around at all, plain disgusting.

Dignity should be given to all people, just the way you want it given to yourself. Let us give each other the gift of beauty.

Is this not a wonderful way to live? Yes, it is!

First rule of manners: Put other people first at all times, Plain and simple, this rule never changes.

Is it not wonderfully marvelous to be beautiful ? Yes it is!

Haste Makes Waste....

"Manners require time, and nothing is more vulgar than haste."  Ralph Waldo Emerson

I could not agree more with the sentiments of this quote.  Do you agree? I am already thinking of new year's resolutions and one of mine is to simply slow down and smell the roses.   It will make life more enjoyable and pleasant for me, and for those who encounter me, I am sure!


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What is your new year's resolution?

Politely Declining That Invitation to Anger.

A friend, let's call him "B", was recently blindsided at by a complete stranger in the gym because he was throwing his plastic water bottle out in the normal trash can after his workout.  The fellow gym-goer literally started angrily yelling that there was a recycling bin out around the corner.  B remained calm (albeit it rather startled) and politely noted that he did not know the recycling bin was there (it was nowhere in sight), and then he proceeded to go throw his bottle away in the recycling bin. 

Cheers to all of us who recycle and do our part to improve the environment.  What I have a problem with is when people feel their rudeness is somehow "justified" because they are responding to the "wrong" actions of another.   Sorry, there is no free-pass on bad manners.

I am sure this passionate person felt in the right because B was in the wrong (in terms of slacking on recycling).  But this person went from "advocate" to "jerk".  What a wrong way to go through life - trying to bully others.   What a way to turn people off from the very thing you are advocating for in the first place.

Snaps to B because I think most people would have responded to a verbal assault by a stranger by being rude right back.  Rudeness begets rudeness.  But B was marvelously well-mannered because he remembered to "be nice to everyone, even rude people, not because they are nice but because you are."

The only thing you can control is your own reaction in a sticky situation like this.  Well-done B!  

What would you have done? 

The State of Affairs

Two out of three Americans consider a general lack of civility to be a major problem for our country and more than seventy percent think that poor behavior has gotten worse in recent years according to a recently published study by Powell Tate/Weber Shandwick in partnership with KRC Research. What a shame.

I think rudeness is contagious – rudeness in reprisal if you will. As F. Scott Fitzgerald once said, “It’s not a slam at you when people are rude – it’s a slam at the people they’ve met before.”  

What can you do to increase civility and politeness in society?  Luckily, I think politeness is just as contagious – so do your part and pass it forward. Brighten someone’s day – including yours – by showcasing your social graces. To do so is to be marvelously well-mannered.

Presidents' Day

On the third Monday in February, our nation celebrates Presidents’ Day, in commemoration of the birthdays of President George Washington (1st President) and President Abraham Lincoln (16th President). This holiday, coupled with our blog, reminded me of George Washington’s Rules of Civility & Decent Behaviour In Company and Conversation.

When George Washington was a young man, age 16, he transcribed that list of 110 rules of etiquette and manners that find their origin among French Jesuits in the 16th century. While some of these guidelines for pleasant courtesies may sound peculiar or outdated at first glance, they do reflect what it means to be well-mannered, even today. Well, except maybe for Rule No. 9, "Spit not in the Fire, nor Stoop low before it neither Put your Hands into the Flames to warm them, nor Set your Feet upon the Fire especially if there be meat before it."

As we have noted in earlier blog entries (our very first one in fact), when someone is well-mannered they do not focus on themselves, but rather think about others and seek to make them feel welcome and comfortable. When people follow these timeless maxims, they display a kindness of spirit and help do their little part to ensure the continuation of polite society.

Click here to look at the list of George Washington’s 110 Rules – which one is your favorite?

We at Marvelously Well-Mannered think George Washington's Rules of Civility & Decent Behavior in Company and Conversations (Little Books of Wisdom) available at Amazon.com makes a fabulous gift – for young boys and girls, and would be a nice reference book for all of us.

Empathy and Everyday Manners

Little Girl (age 1) had her feeling hurt at the doctor office – she was rejected by a little boy – approximately age 4 – he would not let her play with the blocks in the common play area. His father did nothing to help this little boy to learn social manners. This area is for all children not just his angel (devil). What a shame.

Mommy was so sad for little Girl but did not interfere with this situation. They were not going to be there long enough for it to get into a bullying session but this little boy is on his way to being a bully especially with no adult (parent, in this case) helping him to develop social manners. He was given a chance to develop (understand) empathy but the father blew it – no four year old should pick on a one year old – not nice – not fair – the father failed at being a father (this common knowledge should be known by all normal four year old).

“Empathy" the action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another of either the past or present without having the feelings, thoughts, and experience fully communicated in an objectively explicit manner. (Merriam-Webster dictionary)

The little Girl is learning to handle feelings – if learning first-hand is not allowed she will not grow into a resilient adult. Mommy gives her hugs and kisses and pays extra attention to her, she is happy, she is only a year old, and if she was older her feelings could have been severely bruised. The father missed this opportunity to teach “empathy”, which is too bad since empathy is a learned feeling. Empathy helps make an individual a well-mannered adult. Why? When you know how you would feel in a situation, you will react with kindness, is this not the topmost behavior? Yes, it is.

It is hard on parents when we see the injustices our wee ones must endure, but endure they must. We do a disservice when we (always) run emotional interference – we must let our babies learn and develop appropriate responses to situation. It is our job as parents and caring adults to know when to step in and remove our child from emotional/physical harm. It is a hard road to walk but so very well worth it. It is up to the adults to help manage our children’s road so it will be safe. All age groups require different guidance but the one common element is – no one has a right to hurt either physically or emotional anyone. This is a pure and simple statement – it is true. Life can be hard at times but mostly it is wonderful, the glass is always half full. When children are taught to follow the basic rule of manners much of these troubling events can be avoid. Treat others as you want to be treated – another pure and simple statement.

But as parents we always want to take the culprits out by their knees!

My babies are full grown adults with babies of their own; I still feel this way about my babies – just take the sucker out by their knees, of course I don’t but I feel like it. A mother is a mother for her entire life and her babies are always her babies.

The most wonderful of gifts to our children of all ages is to let them develop into the person they will be, can be, and to let them know learning is a life time event, we learn everyday if we allow ourselves the opportunity. To be well-mannered allows us to go all places with confidence and to be always well-received. Why? Because we are nice people to be around, always putting others first, never wanting to cause embarrassment. How nice to be thought of this way! The rewards are great.

An after thought regarding empathy, we have established that this is a taught feeling that we should develop in all babies from the get go into young adulthood.

PS: hate, prejudice and bigotry are also feeling that one is taught. We must insure that these feeling are not part of children’s lives. These terrible feeling reap nothing but misery for the poor souls that posses them. We teach, yes we do - what you sow, you shall reap.

We want the goodness of the world for all who walk this earth.

Life is never simple but having behavior that gives us entry into society makes life so much easier and enjoyable. Being marvelously well-mannered is a wonderful thing. Being prepared for what possibility will come around your corner of life is a feeling of confidence - this is what manners give to you. Being prepared is having the battle half way won; knowing your manners allows you to join the game of life, pure and simple.

Valentine's Day Etiquette

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways. - Elizabeth Barrett Browning

We at Marvelously Well-Mannered are firm believers that manners and etiquette are not to be saved for special occasions. Nor are they to be saved for only loved ones. They should be liberally used every day, toward everyone.

That said, we did want to remind people that Valentine’s Day is right around the corner and with it comes some pretty high expectations from loved ones. Here are some tips to help your odds in having a more enjoyable February 14th:

• Make your “date” arrangements well in advance. Proper planning means less opportunity for surprises that tend to cause people to be rude, frazzled, and not very enjoyable to be around.
• If you go out on a date, focus your attention on your date – not your cellphone, blackberry, or the people you see over your date’s shoulder.
• The one who does the inviting to a dinner should pay. A special evening out does not have to mean at an extravagantly, expensive restaurant. The host should find something within their budget.
• Be polite, courteous and patient when interacting with the wait-staff, especially when things go wrong. Nothing kills a romantic mood than being with someone who treats others rudely. It is embarrassing. It is uncomfortable.
• Mind your manners at the dining table. Remember what your mum taught you: sit up straight, wait to eat until everyone has been served, chew with your mouth closed, don’t talk with a full mouth, and elbows – off the table.
• Graciously accept compliments with a smile and a “thank you.” And only give sincere compliments – if you don’t believe what you say, it is usually painfully obvious.
• Flowers, chocolate, or a gift are nice. But a card containing a well-thought out, sincere love note is the best gift of all. Please make sure spelling and grammar are up to par.
• For parents of children who attend schools where the holiday is celebrated, this is a good opportunity to explain to your child that no one likes to be left out and it is good manners to give cards to everyone, and not to exclude individuals.
• Remember while Valentine’s Day is often associated with romantic love, it is also another great opportunity to remind everyone you care about that you really do care about them and that you do not take them for granted.

And again, to be marvelously well-mannered, remember that you should be treating everyone with kindness and thoughtfulness everyday. Marvelous manners and etiquette really do matter. Pure and simple.

Etiquette Evolves But Good Manners Are Constant

Last night, I taught a dining etiquette course as part of the Arlington County Adult Education Center offerings. As an aside, if you live in the D.C. area, I strongly encourage you to look into the classes offered, and not only the dining etiquette course. (For instance, I have taken classes that span the spectrum from finance to flower arranging.)

Anyway, I had a wonderful time with a lively class that was full of questions and examples of real world dining etiquette faux pas they had witnessed. It was obvious all in the class had a solid grounding in dining etiquette, but just wanted to polish their skills. Good for them! Because etiquette is not static - it evolves as society changes - it is quite easy to get confused with what is the state of play.

A classic question that comes up is, elbows on the table - permissible or a problem? Everyone remembers how this used to be considered practically a cardinal rule of proper dining.

While all of the leading etiquette mavens agree no elbows while eating, some (Dorothea Johnson's Protocol School of Washington) hold firm that elbows are "never placed on the table" while others say it is fine to do in between courses and when one is lingering over a completed meal. Some reasons given is that it is a gesture that comes naturally when one is engaged in a lively and animated conversation (Letitia Baldridge) and that it shows that you are intently listening (Peggy Post).

We at Marvelously Well-Mannered come down on - no elbows during the entire dining occasion. Our reasoning is that if you put your elbows on the table, it increases the likelihood that you will violate some other dining etiquette rule, like the rule that one should sit straight (but not stiffly) at the table.

And, we think, more importantly, putting your elbows on the table causes the real risk that you will make others at your table feel uncomfortable or at least a bit unwelcome. How? Easy. If you are listening so intently to someone that you put your elbow on the table to lean in a bit more, you literally turn a cold shoulder, if not your back to, at least some of the other people at your table (depending on how many you are dining with at the time). All the other people receive the not so subtle message, do not interrupt us, you are not welcome.

While society may indeed be relaxing, and more and more elbows are making their way onto dining tables all across America (mainly because it is more comfortable to sit that way), there still are some of us who keep in mind that, "good manners are made up of petty sacrifices." So even though it isn't really as comfortable as slouching on an elbow, sit up straight and make sure all at the table are made to feel welcome to join your conversations. Purely "private conversations" do not belong at a large dinner table. We opt for resting your wrists on the table (a la European/Continental style). Marvelous manners and etiquette matter. Pure and simple.

Improve Your Manners... Manage Your Time

"Life be not so short but that there is always time for courtesy."

- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Honking your horn on the way to work. Not holding the elevator for for the person you hear trying to catch the doors. Being short and obnoxious with wait and sales staff. Acting exasperated at a slow patron before you in line. Snapping at your children to "hurry up". Why do people do these things? Is everyone just rude? I don't think most people wake up intending to be rude. Rather, they are just running late and trying to do too many things at once. Today, we try to cram more into every day, hour, and minute than previous generations. But we must reject this pattern of rudeness - ours - that seems to come wth our faster-paced life.

One of the most impactful steps you can take to be consistently well-mannered is to learn to manage your time and don't be late. (Tardiness, by the way, is a top etiquette faux pas.) Think about it. Aren't you more kind, patient and forgiving when you have the "time" to be so?

It takes discipline and planning to wisely manage your time. When you do the resultant dividends are marvelous. You are more organized, efficient, pleasant and less flustered. Life is more enjoyable for you and those who encounter you. When you manage your time and are prompt for appointments you let the other person know you value their time too. Managing your time enables you to have time to be a thoughtful person who is considerate of other people, which is at the core of being well-mannered. Indeed, it is good to keep in mind:

"Every action done in company ought to be with some sign of respect to those that are present." -George Washington

MARVELOUSLY WELL-MANNERED

Having good manners and knowing what the rules of etiquette are will make you more comfortable in all situations of everyday life both personally and professionally - it makes no difference where you are - you will always be at ease because you are confident in your own being. You won't need to spend time worrying about your own presentation. Rather, you can afford to take the time to make others around you feel comfortable. Every occasion is more enjoyable when everyone is comfortable.

Possessing good manners means you possess a certain "kindness of spirit" - a je ne sais quoi - that enables you to be considerate of other people, charm them, and make them feel welcome around you.

Etiquette, on the other hand, serves as a roadmap of civilized society and allows us to showcase that kindness of spirit, graciousness, and good manners. Knowing the rules of etiquette and having a certain savoir vivre - knowledge of the ways of polite society- greatly reduces the likelihood for confusion and encourages opportunities for cordiality. Taken together, these qualities allow you to shine both personally and professionally. Pure and simple.