Children And Table Manners

Table manners? Where do you start? What do you teach? How do you begin? What should you expect? As a former nursery school teacher, I used to hear these questions all the time. And as a successful mum, I hear it now from new mommies wanting to raise happy and polite children. My answers have always been the same.

You start with the basics, when you have a child in a high chair. You teach the basics that everyone follows. They are always the same regardless of age. Once you are sure your own manners are up to par, you begin to teach by explaining everything you are doing and why. Children are little sponges thirsty to learn so constantly repeat yourself; eventually osmosis will take over and the table manners will just be a part of their daily routine. If you are patient and consistent and make it fun, eventually your child will learn proper table manners. Make dining a fun experience, enjoyed by all who join you at the dining table. It is your responsibility to ensure that the family sits down together at various meal times and spends quality time together as a family.

Once a child joins the family at the dinner table, they are taught to wait until everyone is seated to begin eating. If the child cannot wait because of hunger (because of age), give them a little something to hold them over until dinner is served. Please do not put a “tidbit” of what will be later served on the dinner plate. That will just confuse the child. What you want to do is to help your child realize this is not part of their dinner but just a little something to take the edge off and to help them make it to dinnertime where everyone is seated and dinner is enjoyed by all. Remember dinner is more than merely eating to satisfy hunger; it also is the time to nourish the body, and to nurture one’s emotional well-being. It is an event that connects a family at the end of the day, a time where family members share the experiences of the day and children learn the art of conversation. A well-mannered individual is a happy individual; they understand the rules of society and are comfortable in their own being. An individual who is unsure of themselves, and has no game plan, are generally not well received because they are not enjoyable to be around.

Learning proper table manners has always been a must for success in society but please do not belabor the point and make the experience unpleasant. You have years ahead of yourself to teach but if you make this an unpleasant event you just defeated yourself and accomplished the task of making this a” miserable” time for everyone at your dinner table. Your aim is not to have a perfectly mannered five year old but to have a perfectly mannered young adult, ready to go out into the world with confidence. With this in mind, here are the basics that should be covered – in the order they occur at mealtime:

• Everyone should come to the table with clean hands
• Place the napkin on your lap. A bib is the baby napkin – explain why they wear a bib.
• Wait for everyone to be seated and served before beginning to eat.
• Have proper sized utensils for the child’s hands and point out if any finger food is being served so your child can understand the way different foods are eaten.
• Take small, chewable-size bites. Never a mouthful. Explain that it is not very pleasant to look at and it is difficult to chew.
• Chew with your mouth closed, lips together, and don’t talk with food in the mouth. Explain that it is not nice to look at and people will not want to eat with them.
• Wait until your mouth is empty before taking a sip of your drink. Explain that no one wants to see food bits floating in neighboring cups.
• If there's something they do not want to eat, just leave it on the plate. Never force a child to eat, and never comment on the food you do not want to eat.
• Be considerate of the chef (no rude comments about appearance or taste). This goes for being at home, out visiting or dining at a restaurant. Being rude is unacceptable at all times; it does not matter where you are, being rude is just not nice.
• Food is passed to the right. “Please” ask for food to be passed if it's out of immediate reach and “thank you” when it is received. Pepper and salt go together, the set is placed on the table and the next person picks them up and passes on to the next place setting – never hand the salt and pepper set into anyone’s hands.
• Use a napkin to dab your mouth – do not smear or wipe.
  Let others finish what they are saying and do not interrupt. Two and three year olds have thoughts. Encourage their participation in the family conversation, remind them not to interrupt and when it is their turn to talk listen attentively to them. This will eventually get you to a “polite conversation” stage.
• As children get older they are taught to stay standing until all adults are seated.
• Children are to stay seated until they are excused. If they would like to leave earlier, they should ask to “please be excused”.
  

Manners are one of the most valued gifts you can give your child yet they are free. The cost, in time and patience, will be greatly paid back to you. In addition to teaching the basics in dining etiquette, you will be teaching your child how to be well-mannered, kind and thoughtful and just a happy well adjusted individual who will be well received.

Remember, children learn what they see so make sure you are acting appropriately as well. Take your time and treat your child (all children) with the respect you expect for yourself and your family. Your life will be so much warmer because you adhere to the first law of manners:

“Treat others as you want to be treated.”