This Service Needs to Hit the Road.

I love DailyCandy. It is a website that showcases all that is entertaining, fashionable, food related and culturally interesting in major cities (as well as all over the web). It also has a children's version which is simply fabulous as well. It is because I am such an ardent fan of DailyCandy that I am so disappointed that a recent edition showcased an astonishingly offensive service that is based on and encourages the spread of rudeness.

In a nutshell this service (warning the name of the service is offensive)provides a way for disgruntled individuals in search of a parking space to complain anonymously to intentional or inadvertent poor parkers of vehicles by printing out then filling out a note and checking off the transgression of the parker and leaving the note on the other vehicle's windshield.

DailyCandy explains that it will "mitigate your rage" and "keep you out of anger management".

We at Marvelously Well-Mannered think the service lacks civility and decorum. It encourages incredibly rude behavior and perpetuates the idea that one does not need to be polite or gracious in today's society. It feeds on the egocentric idea that everthing is always about "me" and if one is inconvenienced or ticked off one can complain without limit and that one's own rudeness is somehow excused because someone else did something wrong.

But that is not the right way to think or behave. Remember,

"whoever one is, and wherever one is, one is always in the wrong if one is rude." Maurice Baring.

It is marvelously well-mannered to take the high road. Unfortunately, this type of service and the behavior it encourages leads its users to a dead-end in terms of manners and decorum. This service needs to hit the road. Pure and simple.

Après Vous Skiing

Over the weekend, we went to Jackson Hole, Wyoming for some skiing. We love skiing – but haven’t been for awhile. One of the best things about skiing is that it is a well-mannered, friendly and polite sport. For the most part, nearly everyone followed the well-known rules of skiing:

• Learn the trails and respect the markings
• Ski trails of your ability and ski in control
• Look uphill as you enter a trail
• Skiers below you have the right of way
• Call “on your left” or “on your right” in tight areas like catwalks so you don’t startle folks in front of you as you pass by
• Offer help if you see someone who has fallen. And retrieve equipment/gear if you can
• Follow the rules when mounting and dismounting the chairlift
• Remember to ask, “are you ready for the bar to come down” before pulling it down once settled on the chairlift
• Don’t cut in the lift lines; remember to alternate when lanes converge
• Be cheerful and say “hello”

By in large, our recent ski excursion reaffirmed our memories of this well-mannered sport.

A fellow skier theorized that skiers are so cheerful, outgoing and polite because it takes so much gosh darned time and effort to get on the ski slopes to begin with, that if everyone were in a bad mood it wouldn’t be worth it in the first place. Think about it. Skiers have to get dressed, deal with boots, struggle with awkward ski equipment, and pay a lot of money to get on the slopes. I don’t know about you, but by the time I am finally ready to “hit the slopes”, all I want to do is sit down and relax in the lodge. The rewards of suffering through the ski prep process are that you get to enjoy the outdoors and be with nice people.

But there was one bad apple in the bunch who violated the cardinal rule about not cutting. But he took it to a whole new level by actually overtaking us in the same line, then cut in front of the young children whose turn it was when the lines converged. And the icing on the cake was that this bad apple and his cohort then proceeded to get on a chairlift by themselves despite it being made for four.

Did we say anything when this happened? Me: “are you with the folks in front of us” (figuring they would make a foursome). His answer: “no”. Me: “well then, it seems that you just cut us.” Him: “I am 99% sure we didn’t.” Me: "You skiied right by me on my left." Then his companion said, “But if it is that big of a deal to you - you can go ahead.” Me: “No, that is ok. I am just shocked by your rudeness.” After that there wasn’t much left to stay. We were polite and still stood up for ourselves but decided they simply weren’t worth it. The situation reminded me of the saying, “Treat everyone with politeness, even those who are rude to you – not because they are nice, but because you are.” These bad apples weren’t going to ruin our trip. But it would be nice if all the Mountains would remind their visitors the simple reason why skiing is such a great sport – because of people who are marvelously well-mannered. Pure and simple.

It Was Over With One Bite ...

Recently, I was waiting for my sandwich at the deli downstairs from my office. As I was waiting I heard – then turned to see – a woman eating lunch at the counter with what looked to be her work colleague. It was a most unfortunate sight.

While she was attractive and well-dressed, her eating habits were nothing short of horrifying. I could hear her chomping on chips – over the noise of the deli and despite standing over 6 feet away. She chewed with her mouth open – not once did I see her lips close together. Granted, I may have missed it. I tried not to stare so my eyes were not on her the entire time. She took huge bites of her sandwich which she then stowed away in her cheek as she spoke. She looked like a squirrel with a gargantuan nut. Now I know the sandwiches at this deli are delicious, and I, too, am tempted to take big bites – but that is not the proper way to eat.

Poor table manners are bad enough. But she was eating with someone who looked like a work colleague. All I could think of was, “what must that colleague think of her?” What a shame.

It doesn’t matter how attractive you are or now well-dressed you are when you don’t have a solid foundation of proper dining etiquette; your professional, well-mannered deportment is over, sometimes with just one bite. You simply do not present well. To be marvelously well-mannered, remember to chew with your mouth closed, eat quietly, and while you are not supposed to talk with your mouth full, it is often hard to avoid talking with at least a bit of food in your mouth. When you do, take small bites of your food so you can talk without looking like a squirrel getting ready for winter.

What Do Interpersonal Skills Have To Do With It?

How do our behaviors and attitudes cause us to interact with others; to help ourselves better prepare for success in life which will include participation in a career as well as social obligations and social “wants”, which are happy chosen events within our own lives that we want to participate in.

Interpersonal skills, what do they include? Habits, attitudes, manners, and the outside appearance (clothing, hygiene habits, and awareness of the physical/emotional self and of others), and behaviors we have while around people; these behaviors do affect how other people will interact with us. At times we do not realize just how important these interpersonal skills really are. It's easy to look down on others and to have a smug attitude about people who for some unknown reason lack interpersonal skills. Is this not the correct time to look within ourselves to better understand our selves? When we understand ourselves we are better equipped to understand others and then we become more well mannered; is this not logical?

We need to understand why/ how our behaviors and attitudes cause positive/negative reactions with others. This information will only help us better prepare for success in life.

We want our company to be wanted by others, to have people enjoy us and trust us. We want others to know our word is good.
These attitudes/views that others have about us must be earned through being the best we can be consistently at all times - day in and day out.

While these interpersonal skills should be taught right from the get-go in life– they hold hands with manners as they go for their daily walks - it is never too late to learn them and incorporate them into daily life. The easiest step you can take to instill these attributes is to begin with the first golden rule of manners: "to treat others as we want to be treated."

This rule never has nor will it ever go out of vogue. Being marvelously well-mannered helps one live a good and happy life. Pure and simple.