FILL YOUR KINGDOM WITH MORE KINDNESS

Hello!  When we last checked in we let you know we were working on self-publishing a game.  Well, we are ready to unveil Kindness Kingdom!

Why did we undertake this challenge?  Out of necessity.  Last Christmas season we came up short in our quest to find the perfect manners game for little girls.  Nothing was out there that we liked – everything was too academic and sterile. Since we knew "courtesy starts at home" we started talking and plotting and found an artist WENDY and created this NEW adorable game for girls where Graceful Queen Geranium (“Queen Grace” for short) invites them to a tea party.

On the way to the party, girls make their way down a gemmed path in Kindness Kingdom that is fanciful, colorful, silly, and full of manners and etiquette education! The game board is a fairytale land of flowers, teacups, manners, humor, princesses, and fairies.  Here is a picture of the gameboard:

 We hope you’ll visit our site,  kindnesskingdom.com,  the very best way to learn more about the game and please spread the word! In this instance gossip is good!

Our game encourages empathy, develops important social skills, and nurtures a kindness of spirit that will help our players lead a more thoughtful life.  How fabulous is that?

This game’s creation was a labor of love for us and we are thrilled to invite all our friends to the tea party.  Let us know what you think.





HAS ABSENCE MADE YOUR HEART GROW FONDER?

Hello! Lest you think we have forgotten our blog - we haven't.  We have just been distracted by a fun adventure that is incredibly time consuming.  We are finalizing our children's manners game that we are self-publishing.  We cannot wait to share it with you!  So please be patient for just a little bit longer and we will be back in touch soon.

Sincerely,
The Ladies at MWM

MARVELOUS MANNERS RULES FOR CHILDREN

Looking for a quick cheat sheet on how what manners to teach your children?  Here is a great list to start you off.  Remember children will follow your lead.  Don't forget to set a good example.  Soon your children will possess a kindness of spirit that will make you beam with pride!

ONE SUCCESSFUL DINNER PARTY – ADD A DASH OF MUSIC

How many of us think that preparing dinner is like a science project? We have to use specific ingredients and exact measurements to get the required taste (although I will admit a pinch here and a dash there is more artsy). We have to know how the different spices and herbs interact with each other to create a wonderful aroma that will whet our appetite with anticipation and help us create an appealing visual (again this does give way to more of an artsy flare!) so our appetite is again tempted.

Is this not science? Being exact, demanding, intent on having a positive outcome to our experiment? Yes it is. We are altering the flavor of a food, the volume and texture as we add this and that, and yet we have an image in our heads of what the finished product will look like and taste like. This is not worked out on paper but through our senses – smell, sight, taste, feel and we can hear the adulation in our head? Oh, what a wonderful dinner party this will be, yes it will!

The next question is, what can I do to make this evening a success for my guests who all have different personalities and have had different events in their day? Music. Yes, music will guide them into the mood of the evening, which will be restful, interesting and quite relaxing. I will choose music that represents the mood I want at the end of the dinner.

Again, I turn to science. Music, science you say? And I say, yes. Music is like my dinner recipe. It has all the same elements, specific needs and demand exact implementation of all the ingredients. Music reflects the environment. The one thing science cannot do is duplicate the emotions and feeling that music gives to one’s soul. Call it what you want, but I call it a dinner party’s most important helping hand. Music is to the soul as good food is to the body. I am partial to instrumental music, without lyrics so conversation is easier to focus on. One should consider the menu you are presenting; if it is culturally-based then music with an associated ethical flare works very well. I will also recommend taking into consideration the ages/generation of your guests. Music by itself can evoke fond memories.

Choose music that is in the mood you want to be in at the end of your meal!

Posted by Esther for MaryCatherine.

NEED SOME SELF-ESTEEM? PRACTICE MARVELOUS MANNERS.

How do manners allow us as individuals to achieve our dreams and develop a wonderfully marvelous life? We know that there will always be people who are cruel and gossip just to make themselves feel good.  But those people are complete losers in the game of life. We want to be on the winning team in this game.  So surround yourself with positive people and a positive environment ... a place where we do not derive artificial and fleeting pleasure at the expense of others.

We should always be kind and dream big.  We should look at ourselves as the amazing beings that we are who have gifts, talents and the ability to practice amazing kindnesses toward others.

We will always be on the road of self discovery.  This road will create an amazing life while at the same time enabling us to make the world a kinder, gentler place for all of us.

We have to remember, it is not just present day life that give us a sense of self-esteem but also the ability to see where we have come from and how our experiences have caused us to grow as real people.  People persevere through challenges but not at the expense of others.  We practice the first rule of manners, treat others like you want to be treated.

We should always be looking forward and focus on all the wonderful possibilities that lie ahead.

There will always be ups and down in our lives but knowing the rules of the road (etiquette) make life easier to navigate; adhering to manners will make our journeys much easier, more fun and more successful.

Be kind to your neighbor and you will be rewarded, what a pure and simple statement.

Posted by Esther for MaryCatherine

LET'S PLAY BALL

Image Source - and to get tickets (Nationals)

Despite the beginning of baseball season, we won't be doing any "shortstopping."  And no, I am not talking about around the baseball diamond.  I am talking about around the dinner table. 


This occurs when someone asks for something to be passed to them (for example, the bread basket) and the person who begins to pass the requested item, or others along the way, use the requested item on its way around the table.  Bad form.


So, if someone asks you for the breadbasket, you should not take a roll for yourself before you have the basket begin its journey around the table. And if you are one of the people passing the bread basket along the route, you should not take a roll as you pass it along.  This is not nice.  Do not do it. It is considered rude. 

So what do you when someone's request for the breadbasket sparks your interest in a dinner roll?  Be marvelously well-mannered and politely ask for the breadbasket back. 

Healthy and Kind Life Lessons Missed

Some parents in the Orlando, Florida’s Edgewater school district are blowing a great opportunity to teach good manners and empathy.

The Golden rule is, treat other as you would like to be treated. One should try to put others first. Empathy, I believe is a taught skill, not a cognitive skill. Many of the parents in this school district are ignoring these two basic life skills and teaching their children the mantra “me first, me first, I do not care what you need, I want what I want.” This appears to me to be a good foundation for developing a bullying point of view in their children, how darn right selfish.

For those of you that have missed the story, a little girl with severe peanut allergies needs and requires a peanut free environment, and the school district had been requiring her classmates to rinse their mouths twice a day with water and to wash their hands and faces at school to avoid introducing nut residue into the classrooms. It is a life and death situation, not about hurt feelings. If it were your child, what would you want?

This child has the same rights as every child that has a disability. A child that needs a working dog; a child that needs wheelchair accessibility; a child that needs special education; a child that needs an interpreter. These are their rights because they belong to the community where it is law.

We as a society do alter our lives for others that require it because it is the right thing to do. We live in communities that should help and enrich all our lives not just the vocal unfeeling individuals.

Remember Hilary Clinton’s book, “It Takes a Village”? Why don’t these uncaring parents read it? Remember the old proverb, what go around, comes around? I wish no one, child or adult, harm and hardship but I do say have a kind heart.

Are these parents even thinking about the good that these simple requests will give their own children? It is healthy to wash your hand before and after eating; after using the powder room and several times during the day at random.

I would like to see every child be required to brush their teeth after lunch but since this will not happen in the schools around the country, learning to regularly rinse their mouth with water will add to their dental hygiene.

Both of these are healthy, personal habits to get into and will become lifelong habits that will serve them well. Moreover, empathy is a skill that will enrich their lives as they enter adulthood. To be able to teach two healthy physical habits and to teach some emotional growth seems like a winning combination to me.

See what happens when children do not know how to care for their teeth: http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/163856/child_dies_for_lack_of_dental_care.html

Can you imagine the guilt these parents would carry around for the rest of their lives if this child died because they did not want their child to have rise their mouth and wash their hands; and when their children get older and realizes that they were part of this problem, they could be crippled emotionally for life. There is nothing as punishing as a guilty conscience.

This is one time that people must be marvelously well-mannered. It is not just a social issue but a life and death issue for a living, breathing human being who deserves the best that people can offer.

Let this community be the cream of the crop. Let it be marvelously kind and generous and they will all reap the reward of a clean conscience. They have the chance to make their community special and if they do not, no one else will.

DINNER PARTY 101: ROLES OF MUSIC, FOOD & GUESTS

I believe the guests at a dinner party are the stars of the evening. The food presented at a dinner party is a supporting player; the music is also a supporting player - it allows for the evening to flow without effort (or at least it appears to be without effort). Music gently leads your guests into a very lovely frame of mind. It creates a soothing environment and allows you to pamper your guests.

I believe we should choose music that remains quietly in the background; it adds so much but does not call attention to itself, it quietly complements the presentation of the meal.

Classical music is a fine choice for background music. It soothes the inner self and adds to the hearing environment. The quiet in the background lends itself to conversation; you are not trying to talk over the words in the music or paying such close attention to hearing the words of the song that you miss the conversation at the table. We are at the party to converse with the other guests, to exchange thoughts, learn what is new in their lives and what is going on in society and not to learn the words of a song. The conversation should take front center stage. Our goal is to have our guests be the stars of the evening and the food and music be the supporting actors.

A perfect piece of dinner music is one that does not fade into the background but is gentle enough that it is appreciated for what it lends to the evenings atmosphere. We take into consideration the tempo and rhythmic progression of music, slow music leads to a more leisurely pace for eating and conversation but do not be to slow as to mimic a funeral!

We all love stars but every star needs assistance, no one can do it by themselves. You will have a hit on your hands with fine food, wonderful music and interesting guests. Such a combination is a sure fire way to have a fun filled evening that everyone enjoys. Your guests feel so special because they are. If you do not make it special no one else will!

A Tussie Mussie? What is it?

Sometimes we just want to do something very special for someone to express our feeling. We have lost the art of making a Tussie Mussie. It is historically a Victorian bridal bouquet but it can be arranged for any occasion. Look at this one found on http://www.bhg.com/.

When we make a Tussie Mussie we choose the flowers and herbs carefully to convey a certain message.

Roses mean love in the language of flowers as Basil means love in the language of herbs. Mint is used to represent hospitality in herb language and Anthurium symbolizes hospitality in the language of flowers; Thyme stands for courage in the language of herbs and Rosemary is for remembrance; Statice is the flower of remembrance, Gladiolus represents strength of character and Garlic Chives is for courage in the flower language.

We can create a lavish creation or a small and lovely nosegay to be carried or put into a wonderfully simply vase.

If the bouquet is to be carried we bound the stems with ribbons to complement the flowers, this makes it easy to carry and adds a flourish to the bouquet.

We can say what we want when we speak the language of flowers and herbs.

When I use Lavender, I am telling someone I am happy and devoted to this person; when I use Roses or Myrtle, I am telling someone that I love them and I may use both flowers!

It is special to make an arrangement filled with flowers and herbs that are meant for someone special.

I find it very nice to include a note describing what the individual flowers and herbs represent.

As I always say, if you do not make it special no one else will. Let us celebrate our own specialness and pass it on to someone that is also special.

LEARNING TO EAT CORRECTLY

“Let food be your medicine and your medicine be food.” Hippocrates

Let’s follow his advice and learn to eat correctly.

Had we followed his advice from the beginning we wouldn’t need to retrain our taste buds: when they (taste buds) have not been given the chance to cultivate the taste for salt and sugar the taste buds adjust and appreciate the taste of what is natural. If only we had extended this concept to foods made with white flour – our taste buds would not crave white bread, bagels, pasta, rolls and the like.

At least we can help our little ones to learn how to eat properly from the start. Their lives will be enhanced. They will be healthier and use food for what it is intended for, to provide energy to live.

Children should not be taught to live to eat but to eat to live. They will be able to enjoy the physical side of life by being able to participate in sports, dance, etc. and not being always on the side lines because their bodies cannot “do.” Let us teach our children to participate in life by enjoying the feeling of their bodies by enjoying physical activities and to be able to continue this physical living well into adulthood, let say 110 years old!

Do not cultivate tastes (develop cravings) for things that do not provide “what the body” needs.

Eating correctly is also beneficial to one’s emotional life.

Our goals in life regarding our families and friends never change but only get better with the new information and ideas that are given to us. We have a huge amount of scientific and emotional growth data available to us, And all of it hinges on each other.

Let us lead marvelously healthy lives by feeding our bodies as well as the soul. When a health body has a health mind, things do not get better than this.

Let us all contribute to a marvelously happy life for all.

PRETTY IS AS PRETTY DOES.

PROVERB: Beauty is as beauty does.

This proverb means, “it is more important to treat people well than to be good-looking; just because you are good-looking does not mean you are a good person.”

American Idiom: An attractive manner is what makes one attractive. Behaviors and actions are what define a person, not the physical looks.

All beauty on the outside does not equate to too much when the insides are totally ugly. I constantly remind myself what matters most is in the reflection of a beautiful lady; her behavior and reactions to all people. People make themselves beautiful with their actions and behaviors.

Unfortunately, this is a lesson not (always) given to our children. It appears increasingly popular to treat people poorly and try to embarrass them. Just watch society as reflected in today’s reality shows, on the play grounds, and in our schools. Treating people poorly appears to be right in vogue.

I would like to point out that if we treated everyone with the respect that all human beings have a right to enjoy, we would be considered very beautiful indeed.

We all know a person who, upon first meeting, we think “how beautiful” but then after watching her behavior, indeed becomes homely - if not downright ugly. Individuals always lose points in the good looks department when their nasty personality shows through their veneer.

People do not want to associate with the beautiful but cruel, they are the “mean girl” of life, the “mean women of life” they come in all age groups; no fun to be around at all, plain disgusting.

Dignity should be given to all people, just the way you want it given to yourself. Let us give each other the gift of beauty.

Is this not a wonderful way to live? Yes, it is!

First rule of manners: Put other people first at all times, Plain and simple, this rule never changes.

Is it not wonderfully marvelous to be beautiful ? Yes it is!

AMERICAN or CONTINENTAL?

There are two ways to eat - American and Continental (also called "European"). 

When you eat American style you start off holding your fork in your non-dominant hand, and your knife in your dominant hand.  To properly hold your fork while cutting turn it over and put your index finger on the back of the fork for leverage in securing the food.  Please no holding it like a weapon with clenched fists!   To properly hold your knife place your index finger on the joint where the blade and handle meet.  You can go up about an inch if you want - but no more - for leverage in cutting.  After you cut (one piece only at a time) you lay your knife across the upper part of the plate and switch your fork to your dominant hand and eat, holding your fork like a pencil with the tines up.  Some call it the "zig-zag" way of eating because you switch your utensils from hand to hand.  While eating, place your free hand in your lap. 

When you are at "rest" - not eating - you place your fork and knife on the plate parallel to each other but with some space in between.  The knife is laying across the top (think of the knife near 1:00 if the plate is the face of a clock) while the fork is in the center of the plate (near 4;00).  When you are "finished" with your meal place your fork and knife at 10:20 with the tops at 10 and the handles at the :20 spot.  The knife blade faces in and the tines of the fork are up. 

When you eat Continental/European style you keep your utensils in the same hands - never switching off.  The fork goes in your non-dominant hand.  When you are done cutting you keep hold of the knife but lift your hand with the fork up to your mouth and pivot your wrist to convey the food into your mouth.  This is an initially more difficult way to eat since your fork is always tines down - so the food has to be packaged on the back of your fork.  Your knife is the "pusher" whose job it is to combine all your food on the plate (meat is the anchor, then the veggies and sides are added) and push the food onto the back of the fork.  But some really like this way of eating because Europeans eat this way, it is efficient, and it is more quiet.  But if you have trouble eating slowly, you need to be doubly mindful because there is no natural break in eating like with the American style.  For the "rest" position, place the knife and fork down so you create a little "X" on the plate with the tines of the fork down and over the knife blade, which is facing in.  The "finished" position is also 10:20 but the tines of the fork are down. 

Eating either way is being marvelously well-mannered - as long as you also sit up straight, eat quietly, and chew with your mouth closed.  Elbows off the table!

Which way do you eat - have you ever tried the "other" way?

SOCIAL SKILLS EQUAL A HAPPY LIFE? THEY CERTAINLY HELP.

A comprehensive analysis of 33 studies recently revealed what we have always believed from the start, that teaching children proper interpersonal skills better prepares them for life.  These skills are the basics that prepare your little ones for life's great adventures.  Check out the blog MaryCatherine posted on the subject almost a year ago - last March!   Her mother instilled them into MaryCatherine's family, and MaryCatherine has paid it forward to ours.  We are forever grateful.

As MaryCatherine blogged, "while these interpersonal skills should be taught right from the get-go in life– they hold hands with manners as they go for their daily walks - it is never too late to learn them."  But oh how much easier life is when you learn them at a young age.  

Here is the article.  How important do you think "soft skills" are in your daily life?  What do you think of people that lack this skill set?

IT ISN'T MARVELOUSLY WELL-MANNERED TO MISLEAD OTHERS.

buy napkins here

Unacceptable.  Maybe it is the lawyer in me.  Or maybe it is the fact that I really do try to be marvelously well-mannered, which means, among other things, to be kind to others. 
I find it unacceptable, and, frankly, mean, when people pass off non-facts as facts.  Especially when it comes to manners and etiquette.  Some people already feel a bit overwhelmed with the whole subject matter to begin with and and it makes matters infinitely worse when those who profess to be "experts" in the area of etiquette mislead those who seek out their wise counsel.

Case in point, I love etiquette books.  I have a small library full of them.   And I read them.  Over the weekend I read the latest addition to my collection and spotted more than one wrong passage.  For example, the book stated that, "[n]apkins are laid, unfolded, to the right of the plate when you excuse yourself from the table momentarily" and to "place the napkin so that the soiled portion is facing down on the table."  What horrid advice.  Let's set things straight.  Napkins are to be laid, unfolded, on the seat of your chair when you excuse yourself from the table mid meal.  If you use your napkin properly the soiled part is always in between the folds and never in threat of being in view by anyone.

It is not marvelously well-mannered to mislead people on the rules of etiquette.  What are some of the stranger "rules" you have been told, that turn out to be incorrect? Let's nip them in the bud one at a time.

TOO MUCH OF A GOOD THING....

     “It's far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help.”  What a great quote from Miss Manners.  Self-confidence is a wonderful attribute.  Most people need more of it.  But some have been blessed with too much of a good thing.  To me, being boastful is being a big bore.  Don't you agree?

DEALING WITH THE LIVING AFTER A DEATH.

Hybrid Tea Rose Image Source

Nothing is certain but death and taxes.  If that is true, shouldn't we learn how to deal with the fallout from death with grace?

Above are Hybrid Tea Roses.  They are a traditional funeral flower whose meaning, ""I'll remember you forever," is intended to communicate that you won't forget the departed.  But how do you treat the ones left behind? 

Here is a link to a thoughtful WSJ article illustrating the difficulty most of us have in expressing sympathy to someone for their loss of a loved one.  We all have probably said something in an attempt to provide comfort and ended up making the very person we were trying to make feel better, actually feel worse.  These tips are worth storing in the back of your mind.  As life goes on, unfortunately, one day they will come in handy.  

When interacting with your friend during and after their mourning, remember that the distractions of friendship are usually a welcomed respite from their own private thoughts.  Does anyone have any tips to add?

ARE YOU AN ETIQUETTE-BUSTER?

Don't know what one is?  Sure you do!  You know, those people who say something when someone tries to make something a bit more special that it absolutely needs to be.  Miss Manners calls these people "etiquette busters." Are you one?  Do you rain on our parade? Do you frequently say one of the following: 

• "Don't go to so much trouble!"
• "Please don't go to any fuss, it's just us!"
• "Why don't you use plastic glasses?"
• "Don't bring out the crystal and china for us!"
• "We can just use paper napkins or plates."
• "Don't be so formal!"
• "You don't have to impress us!"

Next time you want to say one of these phrases in response to someone's hospitality, don't.  Instead, appreciate that someone wanted to make what could otherwise be ordinary a bit more special for you.  Just say, "thank you."  You are worth it.

AM I WEARING ROSE COLORED GLASSES?

Buy some here!

I was shopping the other day and I said, "hello" to the cashier, she grunted something that I could not make out.  I looked her when I spoke to her.  She looked at the floor when she had to speak to me.  I thanked her and said, "have a nice day" whereas she ignored me and asked the next person in line, "paper or plastic". 

I know everyone has a bad day every now and then (including me) but is it too much to ask for some basic, common courtesy? It is one of the things that makes society civilized after all.  Do you think I am being too old-fashioned?  I don't.  I don't know if I want to go back to the "old days" (and what does that really entail anyway- is it better or do we tend to fondly remember through rose colored glasses?) or do I subscribe to the thinking of Daffodil in Miss Manner's book and "just want people to behave better nowadays."  Which camp are you in? Do you want to go back to the old days?  What do you think that means?  Or do you want people to simply behave better today? 

“HIGH HEELS WERE INVENTED BY A WOMAN WHO HAD BEEN KISSED ON THE FOREHEAD.” -Christopher Morley

Image Source

We went to the Kennedy Center over the weekend to see South Pacific.  It was a fantastic production. It was refreshing to see so many well-dressed people at the show.  Not a pair of jeans as far as the eye could see.  The only unfortunate thing was that there were a number of young ladies in mile-high shoes who couldn't walk in them.  While they were wearing beautiful dresses and had their makeup on just so, their whole look was ruined when they started walking.  They looked horrible - taking too long of steps, wobbling, and clomping along.  Just dreadful.  A definite fashion don't.  Be marvelously well-mannered by caring about all aspects of your appearance, learn how to walk in your shoes, and only wear shoes you know how to elegantly walk in.  

“GIVE NEITHER COUNSEL NOR SALT TILL YOU ARE ASKED FOR IT.” - Italian Proverb

Pewter Salt and Pepper Shakers

I am not a big salt person. In fact the only thing I add salt to is a margarita – yum!


Image Source

So take my advice with a grain of salt (ha, ha sorry could not resist the pun). Actually, this is sound advice:

When you want it, and it is not within easy reach, ask someone to, “please pass the salt.” Before you utter those words though remember that you should actually taste the food to see if needs the seasoning you have asked to be passed your way.

If you are the one passing the salt, also pass the pepper. They are a pair. When passing salt and pepper place them on the table next to the person requesting the seasoning.  Do not hand them directly to the other person.

Some hostesses have enough individual salt and pepper pairings for everyone like the ones pictured here:


Buy these here

The exception to the rule of keeping salt and pepper together is if the salt is in a salt cellar -a small dish placed on the table to house the salt.  In that case, when someone asks for the salt you only pass the salt cellar.

Individual Salt Cellar

 I think salt cellars are adorable. There are a few rules for their use as well.

Most come with tiny spoons which you use to place the salt on your food or plate. But if there is no spoon, use the tip of a clean knife to take some salt. Never dip a dirty knife tip into a shared salt cellar.

If everyone at the table has their own salt cellar for their individual use, one can either use the tip of their knife or may take a pinch of salt with their fingers.

You can be really creative with salt and pepper shakers - take a look at some of these:

Pear and Apple Salt Shakers



Seahorse Salt and Pepper Shakers



Dart Frog Salt and Pepper Shakers

What is your preference - individual salt and pepper shakers; salt cellars or fancy salt and pepper pairs?

CONFLICT RESOLUTION

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"To disagree, one doesn't have to be disagreeable."-- Barry Goldwater

If you remember that you can disagree without being disagreeable you will go a long way in being marvelously well-mannered.  It is hard sometimes, particularly when you are passionate about the topic, or when someone else is going for your jugular.

Just remember to be equally passionate about being marvelously well-mannered.   Sometimes, when it is a discussion that I have to engage in (for work), I pretend I am talking with a close family member whose feelings I would never want to offend.   It really helps me remain respectful and kind.  And when it is a conversation I don't need to have, sometimes I just politely change the subject.  How do you handle everyday, workplace, or personal disagreements?  

"THE SMALLEST ACT OF KINDNESS IS WORTH MORE THAN THE GRANDEST INTENTION." -Oscar Wilde

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Let's make one of our new year's resolutions to actually do all the thoughtful and kind things we think about but lament we "simply don't have enough time to do". 

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Speaking of new year's...I just love the champagne coupe - so feminine and elegant and old-school - but its large surface causes the champagne to more quickly lose its bubbly carbonation (particularly problematic for very dry champagnes).  Its surface also makes mishaps and spills more likely.  Shoot, because I think they are so pretty.

Whatever glass you use, please raise it and join us in toasting to a very happy and marvelously well-mannered new year.  Cheers!