DEALING WITH THE LIVING AFTER A DEATH.

Hybrid Tea Rose Image Source

Nothing is certain but death and taxes.  If that is true, shouldn't we learn how to deal with the fallout from death with grace?

Above are Hybrid Tea Roses.  They are a traditional funeral flower whose meaning, ""I'll remember you forever," is intended to communicate that you won't forget the departed.  But how do you treat the ones left behind? 

Here is a link to a thoughtful WSJ article illustrating the difficulty most of us have in expressing sympathy to someone for their loss of a loved one.  We all have probably said something in an attempt to provide comfort and ended up making the very person we were trying to make feel better, actually feel worse.  These tips are worth storing in the back of your mind.  As life goes on, unfortunately, one day they will come in handy.  

When interacting with your friend during and after their mourning, remember that the distractions of friendship are usually a welcomed respite from their own private thoughts.  Does anyone have any tips to add?

ARE YOU AN ETIQUETTE-BUSTER?

Don't know what one is?  Sure you do!  You know, those people who say something when someone tries to make something a bit more special that it absolutely needs to be.  Miss Manners calls these people "etiquette busters." Are you one?  Do you rain on our parade? Do you frequently say one of the following: 

• "Don't go to so much trouble!"
• "Please don't go to any fuss, it's just us!"
• "Why don't you use plastic glasses?"
• "Don't bring out the crystal and china for us!"
• "We can just use paper napkins or plates."
• "Don't be so formal!"
• "You don't have to impress us!"

Next time you want to say one of these phrases in response to someone's hospitality, don't.  Instead, appreciate that someone wanted to make what could otherwise be ordinary a bit more special for you.  Just say, "thank you."  You are worth it.

AM I WEARING ROSE COLORED GLASSES?

Buy some here!

I was shopping the other day and I said, "hello" to the cashier, she grunted something that I could not make out.  I looked her when I spoke to her.  She looked at the floor when she had to speak to me.  I thanked her and said, "have a nice day" whereas she ignored me and asked the next person in line, "paper or plastic". 

I know everyone has a bad day every now and then (including me) but is it too much to ask for some basic, common courtesy? It is one of the things that makes society civilized after all.  Do you think I am being too old-fashioned?  I don't.  I don't know if I want to go back to the "old days" (and what does that really entail anyway- is it better or do we tend to fondly remember through rose colored glasses?) or do I subscribe to the thinking of Daffodil in Miss Manner's book and "just want people to behave better nowadays."  Which camp are you in? Do you want to go back to the old days?  What do you think that means?  Or do you want people to simply behave better today? 

“HIGH HEELS WERE INVENTED BY A WOMAN WHO HAD BEEN KISSED ON THE FOREHEAD.” -Christopher Morley

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We went to the Kennedy Center over the weekend to see South Pacific.  It was a fantastic production. It was refreshing to see so many well-dressed people at the show.  Not a pair of jeans as far as the eye could see.  The only unfortunate thing was that there were a number of young ladies in mile-high shoes who couldn't walk in them.  While they were wearing beautiful dresses and had their makeup on just so, their whole look was ruined when they started walking.  They looked horrible - taking too long of steps, wobbling, and clomping along.  Just dreadful.  A definite fashion don't.  Be marvelously well-mannered by caring about all aspects of your appearance, learn how to walk in your shoes, and only wear shoes you know how to elegantly walk in.  

“GIVE NEITHER COUNSEL NOR SALT TILL YOU ARE ASKED FOR IT.” - Italian Proverb

Pewter Salt and Pepper Shakers

I am not a big salt person. In fact the only thing I add salt to is a margarita – yum!


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So take my advice with a grain of salt (ha, ha sorry could not resist the pun). Actually, this is sound advice:

When you want it, and it is not within easy reach, ask someone to, “please pass the salt.” Before you utter those words though remember that you should actually taste the food to see if needs the seasoning you have asked to be passed your way.

If you are the one passing the salt, also pass the pepper. They are a pair. When passing salt and pepper place them on the table next to the person requesting the seasoning.  Do not hand them directly to the other person.

Some hostesses have enough individual salt and pepper pairings for everyone like the ones pictured here:


Buy these here

The exception to the rule of keeping salt and pepper together is if the salt is in a salt cellar -a small dish placed on the table to house the salt.  In that case, when someone asks for the salt you only pass the salt cellar.

Individual Salt Cellar

 I think salt cellars are adorable. There are a few rules for their use as well.

Most come with tiny spoons which you use to place the salt on your food or plate. But if there is no spoon, use the tip of a clean knife to take some salt. Never dip a dirty knife tip into a shared salt cellar.

If everyone at the table has their own salt cellar for their individual use, one can either use the tip of their knife or may take a pinch of salt with their fingers.

You can be really creative with salt and pepper shakers - take a look at some of these:

Pear and Apple Salt Shakers



Seahorse Salt and Pepper Shakers



Dart Frog Salt and Pepper Shakers

What is your preference - individual salt and pepper shakers; salt cellars or fancy salt and pepper pairs?

CONFLICT RESOLUTION

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"To disagree, one doesn't have to be disagreeable."-- Barry Goldwater

If you remember that you can disagree without being disagreeable you will go a long way in being marvelously well-mannered.  It is hard sometimes, particularly when you are passionate about the topic, or when someone else is going for your jugular.

Just remember to be equally passionate about being marvelously well-mannered.   Sometimes, when it is a discussion that I have to engage in (for work), I pretend I am talking with a close family member whose feelings I would never want to offend.   It really helps me remain respectful and kind.  And when it is a conversation I don't need to have, sometimes I just politely change the subject.  How do you handle everyday, workplace, or personal disagreements?  

"THE SMALLEST ACT OF KINDNESS IS WORTH MORE THAN THE GRANDEST INTENTION." -Oscar Wilde

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Let's make one of our new year's resolutions to actually do all the thoughtful and kind things we think about but lament we "simply don't have enough time to do". 

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Speaking of new year's...I just love the champagne coupe - so feminine and elegant and old-school - but its large surface causes the champagne to more quickly lose its bubbly carbonation (particularly problematic for very dry champagnes).  Its surface also makes mishaps and spills more likely.  Shoot, because I think they are so pretty.

Whatever glass you use, please raise it and join us in toasting to a very happy and marvelously well-mannered new year.  Cheers!