The Art of the Apology

There certainly have been an abundance of public apologies lately, Tiger Woods’ one being the latest in a string. Thankfully, when I have ever had to make an apology, it has always been in private, without the world watching. And instead of critiquing me, the people I have apologized to have usually been top-drawer – extremely gracious in accepting. I have been very lucky.

I am not weighing in one way or the other on the public apologies we have all witnesses over the last year or two, but the latest one did get me thinking, what constitutes a good apology?

As the title of this entry notes, an apology is an art, not a science. There is no formula that automatically grants you dispensation for your mistake. Knowing how to give a good apology is an essential skill, both in our personal and our professional lives, because all of us are imperfect and we all make mistakes for which we should apologize.

People don’t want your apology if you are not really sorry. But if you are, here are some elements of a sincere apology (learned from years of giving less than adequate apologies):

• Be specific in what you are apologizing for; mention what you did (tip: don’t say, “I am sorry if you feel that … ”. That is not an apology.)
• Be heartfelt in saying you regret what you did
• Ask for forgiveness and what if anything you can do to make it better

While no apology is the same as the next, the cast of characters and the situations change, these elements coupled with doing an apology without delay certainly help. You cannot control if your apology will be accepted but you can control whether or not you give a sincere one with grace. Done well, you will improve your relationships, your reputation, and mend fences.

A sincere apology is evidence of strength of character. Giving a good apology makes one marvelously well-mannered. Pure and simple.