Empathy and Everyday Manners

Little Girl (age 1) had her feeling hurt at the doctor office – she was rejected by a little boy – approximately age 4 – he would not let her play with the blocks in the common play area. His father did nothing to help this little boy to learn social manners. This area is for all children not just his angel (devil). What a shame.

Mommy was so sad for little Girl but did not interfere with this situation. They were not going to be there long enough for it to get into a bullying session but this little boy is on his way to being a bully especially with no adult (parent, in this case) helping him to develop social manners. He was given a chance to develop (understand) empathy but the father blew it – no four year old should pick on a one year old – not nice – not fair – the father failed at being a father (this common knowledge should be known by all normal four year old).

“Empathy" the action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another of either the past or present without having the feelings, thoughts, and experience fully communicated in an objectively explicit manner. (Merriam-Webster dictionary)

The little Girl is learning to handle feelings – if learning first-hand is not allowed she will not grow into a resilient adult. Mommy gives her hugs and kisses and pays extra attention to her, she is happy, she is only a year old, and if she was older her feelings could have been severely bruised. The father missed this opportunity to teach “empathy”, which is too bad since empathy is a learned feeling. Empathy helps make an individual a well-mannered adult. Why? When you know how you would feel in a situation, you will react with kindness, is this not the topmost behavior? Yes, it is.

It is hard on parents when we see the injustices our wee ones must endure, but endure they must. We do a disservice when we (always) run emotional interference – we must let our babies learn and develop appropriate responses to situation. It is our job as parents and caring adults to know when to step in and remove our child from emotional/physical harm. It is a hard road to walk but so very well worth it. It is up to the adults to help manage our children’s road so it will be safe. All age groups require different guidance but the one common element is – no one has a right to hurt either physically or emotional anyone. This is a pure and simple statement – it is true. Life can be hard at times but mostly it is wonderful, the glass is always half full. When children are taught to follow the basic rule of manners much of these troubling events can be avoid. Treat others as you want to be treated – another pure and simple statement.

But as parents we always want to take the culprits out by their knees!

My babies are full grown adults with babies of their own; I still feel this way about my babies – just take the sucker out by their knees, of course I don’t but I feel like it. A mother is a mother for her entire life and her babies are always her babies.

The most wonderful of gifts to our children of all ages is to let them develop into the person they will be, can be, and to let them know learning is a life time event, we learn everyday if we allow ourselves the opportunity. To be well-mannered allows us to go all places with confidence and to be always well-received. Why? Because we are nice people to be around, always putting others first, never wanting to cause embarrassment. How nice to be thought of this way! The rewards are great.

An after thought regarding empathy, we have established that this is a taught feeling that we should develop in all babies from the get go into young adulthood.

PS: hate, prejudice and bigotry are also feeling that one is taught. We must insure that these feeling are not part of children’s lives. These terrible feeling reap nothing but misery for the poor souls that posses them. We teach, yes we do - what you sow, you shall reap.

We want the goodness of the world for all who walk this earth.

Life is never simple but having behavior that gives us entry into society makes life so much easier and enjoyable. Being marvelously well-mannered is a wonderful thing. Being prepared for what possibility will come around your corner of life is a feeling of confidence - this is what manners give to you. Being prepared is having the battle half way won; knowing your manners allows you to join the game of life, pure and simple.